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Tuesday, November 30, 2004 ^^ I'm fully satisfied today! spent the whole day with him.... actually was supposed o watch a movie with Zaf... but my sis and winnie doesn't wan to watch wat he wanna watch, so in the end, no movie... so i stayed with him till closing... he walked me to the bus stop and i left to orchard to meet my sis and her fren, Andrew, for dinner... then i left while they went to watch movie... coz its the movie that i've promised to go catch tomolo with my colleague...yupzz... So... hee~ back to xiao lao ban... he fed me loads of korean tidbits today!! lolz... and he really fed as in hand to my mouth.. hoho~^^ yupz... then we had a little chat... abt me leaving, wat he plans to do.. But coz of this talk, i feel even more lost now... in may 05, he will cease his business... and he plans to travel... this means only one thing... I might not be able to find him when i return!!! In fact, its will not be able!! and it just wrench my heart even more... Another thing, on the day i'm leaving for aus, he will be in korea visiting....!!!! so means he can't send me off!!!!! *sobz even more* i feel so weird... its like i'm happy but at the same time... I know... I'm scared... remember i said, i'm happier with him but feel even more afraid of losing him esp when we're happy together..... I dunno... but its really quality time i spent with him today... so i'm glad... managed to massage him even... ^^ as usual... that's my other paart time job he pays me for at $10/min... hahah~ but so far, he hasn't paid me yet!!! Lolz~ so i think he owes me alot already... he can yang wo yi bei zi.... hahahaha~ Oh! today i forgot to bring my paycheck home!! just left it there on the table! so blur ah me... hope still there tomolo when i reach... well, another thing, today christine was not here... so maybe that's why i'm happy... i get his undivided attention! ^^ Love him~! ^o^\/ Lost.IN.Translation. Monday, November 29, 2004 I have a TAN!! hahaha~ yupz... due to swimming in the sun for the past 2 weeks! hee~ today, i'm checking out my new laptop... so happy... but at the same time so nervous... time really flies! and soon, i'll be blogging in australia... man~Today, me and him not too bad... patch up... but feel i still got not enough of him... hahaha~!! really... I want to be near him always!! hee~ ^^ but, i need to give him some room to breathe,... Pretty packed week for me... gonna collect my passport tomolo coz my old one got rejected coz they say dun look like me... *Sobz* hee.. so there u go..... I'm so tired... so gonna sleep soon!! I'm worried... Love him! ^^ Lost.IN.Translation. Sunday, November 28, 2004 HoHoHoho...~^^Last nite, i msged him: "Hey, this morning, when u asked how i was, i'm really not feeling well... din mean to sound so rude and harsh to you..." AND after 13 agonizing hours, he finally replied (think he forgot his hp again in the shop)....: "I am Sorry yestermorn..." Those powerful words from a man full of pride! I was so touched!! I half want to cry, half want to laugh at the host stand at work today!! It's like there is this something bursting in my heart and its so overwhelming! And really can't control... tears sprung to my eyes, yet a smile was already fixed on my face!! I'm really very very touched!!! really... he's so sweet... ^^ yupz... that really made my day... so i'm so happy now and can't slp till i've told the whole world! hahaha~ yupz... I love him SooOOo SoooOOo Much! hee~ going swimming tomolo... and then its down to lookin for laptops again... hee~ ^^ lalalala~ I'm floating! ^^ hee~ Nitey nitezzzZZ~~~~ '0^ Lost.IN.Translation. Thursday, November 25, 2004 Yupz!! I definitely didn't go to work today! hahaha~ love it man~! woke up at 1pm then went out to YCK wif sis to play squash... but courts not open today! argh! so we left and i played in the void deck of my house while my crazy sister ran in the rain.. hahaha~ had lots of fun... then its back here blogging..Then i wanna bathe then leave the house for dinner and some shopping... most prob at Compasspoint la... hahaha~ haizz... can i take leave tomolo too?? hee~ that'd be heaven man.. hohoho~ FAT HOPE!!! Lolz... okie... me gotta bathe and hang clothes now... ^^ Lost.IN.Translation. Wednesday, November 24, 2004 Why am i always getting myself in a mess and being hurt all over agian? when did i start loving him? why did i start loving him? if those words he said were true, why can't i feel it? I claim to know him well, but do i really? Why does he have to put me in such agony? why didn't i cut myself away 3 months ago? then maybe it won't be so painful...these were thoughts that ran through my mind just now... was crying all the way home... still, questions unanswered.... I left work early... lied that i have diarrhoea... actually, it just hurts to be so near him yet so far... emotionally... and mentally... its one of his thing again... I don't feel like going to work tomolo too... i really don't know... maybe i haven't given up on him... in fact i can't... so the day that i must, will be the day i leave his side completely... He told me once: i don't want this machine(a massager i bought for him) Me:"why? with this, when i'm not around to massage for you, you can use it" Him:"I don't want! you can always massage for me..." Me:i mean i will leave for australia what" Him:"you don't have to leave!" what can i say? does he finally realize that i will not be with him always... at least not for the next 2 years.... i can still remember clearly the day i met him... yet, i can't remember the day i started loving him... I'm leaving soon... why can't it be easier for me? Lost.IN.Translation. Tuesday, November 23, 2004 I'm Home!! yes! at this time! hahaha~ its been so long since i see my house in natural light... well, went to renew my passport after work today, took a shot... can see my pimple sia~ lolz~ but then was too tired and upset at xiao lao ban to go shopping with my aunt... so here i am...Well, today, when i came to work, he was so cold to me... hmmm... why? i have no idea until after work, when i checked my hp, i realized that tis morning he called me 4 times... so its 4 missed calls!! well, i din hear lorz... wat's his problem... anyway, so early in the morning he call me muz be want me to go buy some stuff... he's so childish... to blow cold and hot at me... never even approach me for an explaination man.... well... but like i said, when he is unhappy, i'm also easily affected... so there goes... aniwae, i wasn't very much in a good mood this morning too..... Oh... but today, he wore the shirt i bought him for his birthday... SO nice~ alittle big... but shoulders just nice... its good lah... i think i want him to put on alittle more weight... hee~ so nice on him.. I think i have good taste... too bad i din get a chance to comment... today is a bad day... but i still love him... for everything... even his childishness... think i will call him tonight if he dosen't.... but for now, i'm gonna draw out my christmas list... and then read alittle... turn in early and then wake up early to play squash.... hahaha~ I WANNA PLAY SQUASH!! yupz.... but i don't feel like working tomolo... the whole day! i just want to rot at home... seems i'm getting lazier.. maybe its just accumulated lack of sleep and adequate rest,.... i'm stoning now..... Lost.IN.Translation. Monday, November 22, 2004 I'm so satiated and satisfied!!!! hahahha~ after work today, went to meet my colleague Shu at toa payoh to shop shop... i bought a t-shirt there.. then we went to thomson plaza walk walk, and i bought pants!! hahahaha~ yeah! very nice! its been so long since i last pampered myself...^^Then met ching at upper thomson road for dinner... the 3 of us went for korean food... just to test other shop's food... its realy good....!! finally found one that has better quality food than the one i'm working at.. hee~ so ate until cannot swollow anymore... then Shu decided to treat us... wow~ so nice! so din spend so much today... but the annoying thing today was, the waitress tot i was korean and distrupted our conversation just so she can ask me if i was korean.. Hmmm.... aiyoh.....!!! but other than that, the env. is oso very very good... though abit ex lah... but i think coz they tot me korean, so they never charge for the side dishes that we have... so nice.... hee~ and their ginger and cinnamon tea is superb!! really really gooooood!!!!!! ^^ yupz... so that's about it.. me and xiao lao ban still like that lorz.... din spend much time with him though.. coz busy... think tomolo oso no time for him... coz after work, i have to renew my passport and change picture because they don't believe its me... they say don't look like me lorz... haiz...... Oh, yesterday, my aunty cannot recognise me.... AHhhh!~ she say coz my face shape changed alot... wat onli!! only now that not so much meat covering my face so can see the frame more clear onli wat... how is it possible that it will change?! Ridiculous..... wanna turn in early tonight.. ^^ Lost.IN.Translation. Sunday, November 21, 2004 Its been a long week for me.. working nearly everyday and on both my off, thurs and sun, i went to settle my uni stuff... applied for visa le.. so went for medical le and scouted for laptops.. and then looked for suitcases and warm clothing for the cold climate over there... wow.. learnt a great deal abt com today.. hahaha~Then fri and sat was my dear xiao lao ban's birthday,... hee.... i had fun with him.... loads... its been so long.. and glad he likes my prezzie.... hee~ ^^ I'm so in love... aniwae... but i've not been able to sleep well.. coz worrying alot... should i take double major? i feel like changing my majors.. dun wan biotech.. coz i dun wan to do molecular bio... i hate them... wat lac operon or wat gene or DNA fusion or crap!!!! Haiz..... went swimming tis morning.. so i'm now super red.. like lobster nicely baked... hahaha~ tomolo will be a long day.. working and later dinner with colleagues at aunty Kim's!! hee~ I'm missing my xiao lao ban le~ ^^ Lost.IN.Translation. Sunday, November 14, 2004 okay... see... i'm still so free... so, i didn't make my cheesecake.. well! the weather was to good for me to waste it on cheesecake making... so i slept!!!! hahaha~ and the kind soul today was my mum... she brought delicious food back for me from her fren's hari raya party... so i had good lontong... and curry chicken.. was a late meal.. but ever so satisfying...hahahahaha~ I love to be at home! no need to worry abt people's feeling... okay, well, his feelings at least... Din do much today... miss playing squash... hmmm... maybe i will make cheesecake tomolo... or should i msg a fren to hang out... who shall i msg? hmmm... maybe i'll just rot at home... eh... wait.... oh... I dun have whole day to rest tomolo!! damn! have to work at night! argh.. i forgot.. i'm working every single bloody day from next week!!! so my happiness are short-lived.... Okay, but, maybe i will still wake up earlier to make cheesecake... no.. i have to go shopping for christine's prezzie!! argh... i hate shopping!! >_< I think i'm not a girl..... Lost.IN.Translation. i'm really tired! my body is aching... but... I wanna make cheese cake!! hahaha~ i am going to cold storage to buy materials... that is after the rain cease... hee~ been so long since i made cheesecake... hope its successful... hohoho... ^^ Am in quite a good mood... coz got loads of slp.. and somehow, managed to control my crazy mind... so... hee~ ^^ got a msg from jo to have lunch... but i woke up at lunch... so... aniwae, i don't have a habit of eating on sundays... sundays are uauslly gone without eating... mostly lazing and sleeping... unless some kind soul buys food for me.. haahha~ coz even if i cook, i won't eat my own food most of the time... its just... u look at the food too long during the preparation... so its no appealing anymore.. hahaha~ I wan chesecake! cheesecake! gonna make cheesecake! hahaha~ sp now.. what shld i do?? hmmm... watch vcd maybe... ahhh... so happy to get rest at home... ^^ and the weather is so nice to sleep in!!!! hoho... i feel like shopping... oh.. need to get prezzies for christine and that baka... i'm still clueless as to what to get lei... Hmmm......*ponders* Maybe walk abit a compasspoint to look look see see... oso better start getting christmas prezzies... so i dun have to squeeze to buy later... hahaha~ but i'm a procastinator... so i think i may end up doing last minute shopping! hoho...~ I love this song which is in japanese... called love chronicle... Song goes like this (translated): Why is it that i have completely forgotten how to love? We will meet someday and then go our seperate ways again Just don't know when its gonna happen Whenever the shoelaces on my dirty sneakers come loose, you were the one who tied them for me That shy smile of yours shine in the morning light Suddenly, my heart races Just because i want to be loved dosen't mean i want to love Give me the courage to love honestly I'm going on the journey now. Let the 2 of us make a vow No matter what happens, this hand won't let go FOREVER.... Hmmm... Yah... its just like me n Baka... coz he ties my shoelaces for me too... whenever they came loose... and oso coz i'm leaving... dunno when we'll meet again... and maybe might have to seperate again... but i don't want to just be his memory of the past... i don't want him to forget me... as i'm sure i won't... but if remembering me is a burden to him. i'd rather he forgets me and just turn me into a memory of his past... Lost.IN.Translation. Thursday, November 11, 2004 Today is Deepavai! happy deepavali to all!! ^^ Hee~ okay, so i'm not workin in the morning.. hmm... therefore, i'll blog... Hmmm... yesterday at work... No chef no Ben so lack 2 people... so its me running all over the place u noe.. Then there was a shouting competition with xiao lao ban in the kitchen of why there is another chicken stew.. Absurb! its such a small matter... and yet, he has to shout.. wat only.... Then its silence from me... ignoring all his questions on which food which table, how many... then it was, I feel like throwing ramyun at u!!!!! Hee~ very hectic.. Ching, if u knew, u will think that last sat is not so bad... yesterday is then really Bu shi ren zuo de!!!Then i left early to nap at hereen.. I miss him though... but what's the point.. I must stop creating any memories with him.. if not i can't go. if i go, i cannot be happy.. although its already enough to make me upset the whole yr i think... I dunno.. these are things that i refuse to think about and its constantly pushed to the back of my head... haiz.... well..... what can i do? nothin.... Well, yesterday, was not too good at hereen oso... 3 new ppl and me onli.. so the 3 make mistakes, I got the scolding!!!!!! wat has the world become!! bad day i shld say..... actually the morning started off auite well... but i guess its the lots of factors lah... Feeling time is so short.. i'm leaving on the 11th feb... 10.20 am plane.. on the third day of chinese new year.... hmmmm.... welll... so scary things seem to be so final. i haven told xiao lao ban. i just can't. Lost.IN.Translation. Monday, November 08, 2004 I din wake up in time tis morning to play squash!!!! argh... I'm feeling lethargic and aching all over... I think i'm coming down with something soon if i don't take care! starting to cough and cough non-stop....I'm so full!! went to eat pasta mania at scotts with jo... as usual, i ate alfredo lah... with loads of cheese!!! so satisfying... but bloody full!!!! Then she had to bang say me to meet her bf... so we went tidbit shopping and its off to her dear's and me to my xiao lao ban lah... hahahaha~ Actually today was quite unhappy when i left the restaurant to meet jo... Coz, as usual, he pissed me off... you know, how can i smile at the customer when they don't even look at me?! its like they don't give a damn to who is serving as long as they get their food right and fast lorz... and we're short handed, so its me and me alone... i need to move fast, how he expect me to stop and smile when i have so many numbers and orders on my mind!?!! then he talked to me so rudely i toally walked away, then he said, hey! i', talking to you! I replied: i'm not deaf! he said: then?? I said: so u want the food to go cold then serve while u talk nonsense to me or wat?! He silenced.... I came back, he said: I told you many times before.. I said: don't talk to me now. I would either scream and embarrass u or cry and make u feel guilty. he walked away... then it was cold war the whole day until before i left to meet jo... What the hell! But when i returned after jo ditch me, he said: I noe u want to see me... tomolo oso can wat... no need come bck to specially see me... *LolZ!!!!* Then i was not angry anymore...... and in fact, i'm very happy as i left the place the second time.....^^ Coz he did alot of silly things to cheer me up.. but tat caused christine to be so embarassed by his childish act that she wanted to laugh and cry at the same time! hahahaha~ Classic expression sia..... Oh~ he drew me this silly picture which i so very much wanna show but don't have scanner.. so too BAD!! its all for me! hahaha~ My feet are covered with abrasions and are bleeding and finger has a splinter in it and it hurts like shit... Aiyoh.. so terrible... the new slippers lah!!! *pissed* aniwae, tomolo going idp to apply visa, buy air tickets and book hostel,.... arghh... its so real!! its like so final!!!!! i can't take it!! *_* hahaha~ okie.. me gonna slp.. nitez!! ^^ Lost.IN.Translation. Sunday, November 07, 2004 Just woke up... *Yawnz*... Feeling terrible.. having gastric pains... and a hangover... haiz.. I din really have a good sleep last nite...Today... hmmm... wanted to make cheesecake but have to go my grandma's house to settle uni stuff so looks like no time... haiz... I'm really very nervous and scared.. actually, i'm oso deciding whether to return every half a yr or one yr... In the past, i was so sure i wanna come back after each yr... but now, i wanna come back earlier... I guess, its the hope of seeing xiao lao ban sooner each time... I'm so confused... okay, aniwae, i tired of working now.. its like i never had time to rest or meet people or do the things i like.... maybe its oso good... since i'll be leaving to study so something less to miss... I guess, things can never be the same again... Xiao lao ban told my colleague that he is very scared of having a relationship again.. he said he have no confidence and he's afraid to hurt..... he told me once before.. i totally understand... but i feel, hmm.. i dunno how i feel oso.. what the heck! as the time for me to leave is drawing nearer, i feel my heart breaking further.. i feel moody... i feel like just sobbing every night.. I feel like not thinking of him or missing him... but everything seem so impossible... its like i taught him to be stronger, to be more indpendent, to believe and to hope... but it seems that i myself am unable to keep it up... maybe coz i have given him all my optimism.. He's so much happier now... I am too... but at the same time, i feel lost now.. has he noticed? maybe now, that i myself am lost and he is sure of himself, he might look for other gal that can continue the effect i used to have on him..... Aiyah... wat am i toking abt.. I sometimes want to take credit for all that have changed in him since i stepped into his life, like him wanting to be more serious in his business, like him wanting to play squash coz i like it, like him wanting to start learning to keep in contact with people and making frenz of his own... even christine told me she can see the difference after he knew me... but, he didn't seem to realize it.... I know that credit is not anything, coz as long as he is happy... but, i need to feel appreciated.... The way i can appreciate his small little actions towards me, that his ex, or even christine can't appreciate.... But maybe he is not expressive enough... I really hope that he would not return to his old self once i'm gone... the person who can't care less abt anything, the person who only has he and his computer as frenz... the person that all my colleagues used to dislike... coz i like the effort he put in to change, the fact that my colleagues now like him better, that he has more frenz. and is happier... its tiring to try to keep up with so many things... but he is happier.... even all my colleagues and christine know and acknowledge me, the fact that i made him want to be a better man... but I JUST NEED THAT FROM HIM AND NO ONE ELSE... You know, the knowledge that you are able to affect a person so greatly and to change that person for the better is so overwhelming and how to say... its like u feel you have the power to do anything... like u wanna continue doing that... but not being appeciated by that particular person just make u feel if that knowledge is true.... if ur efforts are just a waste that maybe its just not u..... i doubt anyone can understand it. Lost.IN.Translation. Friday, November 05, 2004 Its been a long week..... hai~ Am pretty happy with xiao lao ban and myself, so there is nothing much to complain about... hahahaha~ I'm really happy you know... I guess coz i got to know myself better and able to bring myself to another emotional level.. hmmm.. Chim.....Weel, to day at work, HE came... Let's call him indiana jones, as ching calls him... indiana jones is also known as HIM=tennis guy... yah... so he came and ask me watch movie or something.. hmmm... i told him to go home and sleep lah... since he is always so tired.... yah.... he say he will come again tomolo.. doesn't matter to me anymore.. ;) There is so much abt xiao lao ban and me to fill in these few days... but its so eventful... I dunno how to use words to describe it.. so just let it be known to me and as long as i'm happy its okay if i don't blog it.. hee~ ^^ really very tired now... have to work tomolo early.. think i'm gonna sleep.... Nitez... Dreaming if Il-Yun.. ^^ Lost.IN.Translation. Tuesday, November 02, 2004 Xiao lao ban is back! and he is super cranky causing everyone to be upset and the environment to be so tense.. but he was okay with me. especially after jeong eun came.. hahahaa~ Jeong Eun!! hee~ my cute cute and super nice korean guy!!!! hee~ *blush* well, at least my happy mood influenced xiao lao ban a bit and he was more cheerful... well, wat acn i say... I'm just influencial.. well maybe to him only.. well, but i guess coz we have tis connection.. hmmm.. he can really read me like a book.. he understands me better than i do myself....Well, something so stupid... my aunt didn't dare to ask me abt me and xiao lao ban... so she approached my sis... I mean, she don't have to know everything rite.. hmm... well, so she ask my sis: "Eiko's boyfriend is her boss ah?" Then my sis said:"Why?" Then my aunt said: "Well, he seems so aloof and eiko oso so aloof... sometimes so similar can end up together..." Hahahaha~ Hilarious.. coz she saw me n him together a few times... so she suspect but dun dare to ask... LolZ~~~ Aniwae, today, his frenz came and they tot i'm korean(as usual).... hahaha~ they kept staring at me in a way as if they can't believe me or xiao lao ban that I"M NOT A KOREAN!!! hahaha~ when i was having dinner together with xiao lao ban, can feel 2 pairs of eyes staring at me! wahahahahaha~ can't swollow.... And that Xiao lao ban so heartless! i bought him some cooling tea for his fever, he took a sip then dun want already!! hmph!! *_* I hate him! to think i walked arnd raffles just to look for a medicinal shop!!!! argh!! MEN!~ aniwae... i'm happy today... quite... going to sleep soon... Lalallala~ ^^ Lost.IN.Translation. Monday, November 01, 2004 *Phew* today was a tough day! coz xiao lao ban is so sick he is laden in bed and then the chef nv come... so its me n christine... Bing jian zuo zhan! hahahaha~ so had to work full day there... was so surprised i can survive... pretty well... everyone was quite happy that he wasn't here... apparantly coz he induces too much stress and always scold them... but i guess i'm one of the privileged to not be scolded by him.. haiz... well... talked to him abt it before but he still can't understand.....Hee... but i' happy today.. hahaha~ coz i oso dunno why. i'm now learning a lorean song... so nice... by kiss... i believe alot of ppl noe the song..... LLalalala~ hee~ me now lazy to blog... will blog some other time...... Lost.IN.Translation. 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